Posts Tagged ‘siblings’

From jealousy to healthy ambition

August 25, 2009

Candy PhotoUnderstanding the differences between jealousy and envy can help us facilitate our childrens’ development while at the same time furthering our own.  While none of us like to feel jealous, it is a very human feeling and it boils down to not wanting someone else to have what they have.

Jealousy may be natural, but it is developmentally “younger” than is envy, which could be understood as wanting something that someone else has, while not particularly wishing the other to lose what they have.  Envy is less toxic or destructive than jealousy, as it doesn’t wish for the other not to have, just for ourselves to also have.  

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“She started it!” When siblings fight…

June 4, 2009

Two birds

A reader says, “It can be a total calm and peace in our house and the next second my son, four, and my daughter, seven, will be going at each other, falling into their well rehearsed dynamic of teasing and yelling, neither of them willing to respect each others limits or give up.”

The reader adds that setting limits, helping with problem solving and walking away just to avoid “losing it,” at, or in front of, them have not quite done the trick.

I must say that this is one of the most vexing problems that I have faced in my own parenting, so I’m more of a fellow struggler than any sort of expert on this.  I did run the question by my fifteen-year-old who wryly suggested, “Tell them to have an only child.”

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