In the old days nursery rhymes like “Ring around the Rosie” were actually about bleak things like the plague. In the spirit of getting medieval on the primeval black death tragically washing up on certain beaches, I found myself humming the theme to “Beverly Hillbillies,” but with some different lyrics spilling out. Sing it with me—in honor of all our collective children.
Come and listen to a story ‘bout a Pig named Big
A company so rich it went dig, dig, dig.
From the bottom of the sea it was pumping up the crude
Until a pipe went bust and Big Pig’s being sued.
By everyone… Shrimpers. Governments.
Well the next thing you know Big Pig is in the shit;
Execs and lawyers whisper, “we gotta get away with it.”
Said “Pretending that we care is probably the key,”
So they piled in the jet and they flew to “I can’t see.”
Facts that is: dead birds. Tar balls.
Well now it’s time to say good bye to Big Pig and all his bitches.
And he’d like to thank you folks fer kindly givin’ him the riches.
Yer all invited back again to this travesty.
To have a heapin’ helping of bitter irony.
Con artist that is. Purveyor of fine sea food.
Throw another shrimp on the engine.
Y’all don’t get sick now, y’hear?